Sunday, June 14, 2009

Blogging & Getting REAL...

Weird. People actually read my blog.

Maybe not millions of viewers or 'hits' but, tonight before dinner my fatherinlaw referred to Kevin's blog (link over there on the right, he has Masto.) and then later, after dinner my motherinlaw nicely mentioned that it had been "one pair of stirrup pants, not piles"...true enough. In my BLECH rant of a couple of days ago, I mentioned how impeccable her and my fatherinlaw's home is and mentioned briefly how she cleverly gets rid of stuff when stuff goes in and wondered why she feels the need to give us her piles of clothes, shirts, stirrup pants (ok, one pair)...and I know why. In my blechdom, I didn't say it, but I know. It's the same reason I take over bags of girly clothes when my two don't fit them anymore, to my girlfriend Tara or to Lori, or to Dominique or save stuff to take to Auntie Pam (who's a foster Mum), etc.; it's the same reason that other women in our community give bags of clothes to me, and me to them...and Grammie's (my motherinlaw) friends do the same for her and for us. There's this really cool 'recycling' thing we all do. It's sort of the right thing to do, actually. And for all of my blechdom the other day...I like it. I just need to get better at GETTING RID of things, or sharing further. I hope I didn't come across as being ungrateful in any way, because that is simply not true. AND, if I can be honestly inlaws have pretty stellar taste in shirts, plaid shirts and pants (ok, I'm not a big stirrup pant fan BUT she did say we could cut them off into capri's because they are perfectly good white pants.) I can't even begin to count the blessings that my family (which is my inlaws too) are to me. So I'm learning some pretty valuable lessons from all of this 'cleansing' of the house. I'm pretty shocked to find that they READ my blog though...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (Poppa, that's for you! lol.)

Oh, and I can now see the wood on my desk. Most of the clutter is GONE.

I realize two bags hardly makes us purged per se, but I got REAL with my clothes in my bedroom today. It was painful. I'm too fat for them. I was too fat when I got them; I'm too fat now. So WHY do I keep them? Well...because I dream of being thinner and TRY to be so, and not ridiculously so either. Just want to be back at a healthy weight. But let's be REAL, I'm obviously not doing something right. I posted this on FACEBOOK today too. Suportive and good friends remind me of what I've reminded them of in the same BLECH moments...there are some reasons for this weight gain, weigh holding and, blobdom. I don't drink pop (well, a small glass of something at Grammie & Poppa's on Sundays); I don't eat chips, chocolate or junk (can't even sneak them anymore...BLECH! where's the fun in that!!?!?? Not worth the ills they cause my body); I walk or bike most mornings; I clean the house fairly aggressively most days (and unbelievably, it looks EXACTLY the same crap way it did this morning by the time after dinner rolls around); I garden; I keep moving most of the day; the foods I can eat are so frakin' wholesome and good for you, it's unreal...I eat almost a macrobiotic diet and small portions; I make myself have a small nap in the afternoons now (this way, I make it through dinner and storytime); I don't eat most days past 7 pm. By all accounts, I should be one stunning Mama! But I ain't.

True, the Masto. meds I'm on aren't helping. I'm on 3 drugs that reduce my stomach acid (which must be close to nil or something ridiculous), and I've been on steroids pre, during and post bone marrow biopsy (and whenever I have a flareup, I have to take them) BUT...I need to be responsible for what I can be. And my ass is huge. This is NOT ok.

When I'm not well, I have almost constant diahrea and puke a lot. How come I don't look anorexic???? I know, I body goes into 'starvation mode'.'s pretty obvious, I ain't starving.

Can you believe I'm complaining about affluence? In the old days, a woman of my 'stature' would've been considered 'well fed' and 'well off'....I'm just fat here in Northern Ontario. On my 5'2" frame, 192 lbs (this week...ok, I'm pms'ing so I'm probably really 184 lbs, like I was last week for the bone marrow biopsy sedation) but that is TOO wide for someone as short as me.


Faith said...

Yes we do! Yes we do! your blog...

Foxxy One said...

Yep - here's another reader (but you already knew that).

Have you tried writing down what you eat? Keeping track of the actual calories you ingest? www dot sparkpeople dot com has a great tool that's free where you can track what you eat.

Good foods are only good in the right quantities. Less calories in + more calories out = weight loss. No magic bullet I'm sad to say.

Now, all that being said, I'm up about 15lbs since my masto diagnosis in February so I'm getting my fat ass to the nutritionist on Saturday and have an appt with the trainer on Friday.

Tricia said...

There are some people with masto that have problems with H3 receptors. This can cause problems with the normal release of serotonin and other chemicals which can effect weight, body temperature, sleep, cravings, sex drive, and a bunch more complications. I didn't know this until a couple a months ago. I've been having problems too with my weight.

Kevin said...

Well that made me smile really big knowing your family reads my blog :).

I read yours a great deal as well it's nice to know other people who deal with the same thing on a daily basis.

The weight is not a problem due to the chemo I'm taking I'm fairly thin right now. My wife thinks my weight is fine but I feel skinny, I prob.. weigh 195 but I'm 6'5". You are starting to sound like my wife regarding the clothes, pms’ing and being overweight.

So you use Facebook as well? I’ve never looked into that one.

Hope you and your family have a great day.