Ok...One More Crack At It...

I hate jinxing myself but here I go...I've made it to ONE MORE WEEK ANAPHYLAXIS FREE!!!! It IS Tuesday, right? Oh no, it's Wednesday...it's a week and one day! Ok...a week ago, two days ago was my last one. Last Epi Pen. NOW...to make it to TWO WEEKS.

What I'm not telling you is that I've had this horrendous cold. HA HA...it's ok, I LIKE colds. Because when I get a cold, my mast cells and eosinophils leave me the BLEEP alone...weeeeee hooooo!!!! I get a rest from puking (unless it's stomach flu...) and bone pain (unless it's bad flu but even then, I'll take flu pain ANY day over bone pain) and no hives or flushing or itching....and usually, anaphylaxis and allergic reactions. I can't say the fatigue is any better because, they are comparable. And fever, well, I don't get fever with Masto. or Addisons. And I had a two day fever with this baby. But not even any green boogers. THAT's how great my immune system is. Lucky me.

Which got me to today.

On the tail end of the cold. The fever subsided last night. The cough left. The runny nose ceased up overnight. Sore throat disappeared quickly last night. Everyone else who had this cold was knocked out with it for over a week and needed antibiotics for sinus or lung infections. But no, not me and my SUPER DOOOOOOOPER IMMUNE SYSTEM, no, I only got it for 2 and half days. (Sounds like I'm complaining, doesn't it?  I just like the rest from myself...) SO TODAY...I FELT NORMAL. Only slightly congested sinuses (nothing serious) and slightly raspy voice (not enough for good phone sex) so...what does Fiona do when she feels NORMAL?!?!??! She...cleans her house.

WHAT?

Yeah, you heard me.

Cleans. The. House.

I know. Someone shoot me.  I get a good day and I waste it CLEANING my house!??!?!?  

But it's almost compulsive with me.  I think I feel guilty for what I'm not doing most other days and feel like as soon as I can, I MUST do this.  I'm looking at it now, and it's not like you can even TELL that I toiled over what I toiled over.  

And here's the worst part...I'm now sequestered on the couch because I OVERDID it, and taxed my adrenals and maybe set myself off with some dust and upset my mast cells too? It was cleaning the stairs that did it. It's a tough job that one (to do it properly.) And there was SOOOOO many dust bunnies on them. AHHHHH, it was horrid. We have a combination of wood and carpet on the stairs.  Dust bunnies in the corners of the wood and little white dog hairs and lint caught in the carpet slap in the middle of the stairs.  I was sweating buckets by the top stair, had the shakes, sneezing and was ready to vomit...oh, and then I did. But didn't stop there, had to make supper, so I started it and realized I was likely going to pass out in the kitchen. So I called for help. Hubby came, took one look at me and helped me to the couch. I proceeded to vomit. I continued to shake. I required help to medicate myself.

THEN, get this...our dog Jack (a mellow Jack Russell...forgive the name, he came with it...) started freaking out. We ruled out the usual suspects. He didn't need to pee. Music coming from the computer wasn't bothering him. He had water and food. He kept jumping up on the couch next to me, and pawing at me. What I wasn't saying to anyone is that my tongue was tingling, my bones were starting to hurt and my chest was feeling a bit tight. Jack kept whining and pawing at me, then started pushing me with his face. He can be a vocal dog. Not yappy but vocal when he is actually communicating and he was trying to say SOMETHING. My husband and the kids were trying to figure it out. So, I finally said "someone grab my kit, I need some epi spray, ventolin and benadryl, please." Bea ran to grab my bag. Jack barked at Bea and wagged his tail at her bringing the kit. I used the meds. He stopped being vocal and was just wagging his tail and looking at us like we were such silly humans. Then he started pushing me with his face and paws again and did so until I was lying down on the couch and he was lying down on top of me. He wanted me to lie down. My family was gobsmacked. "That dog has more sense than you do" my husband laughed. Jack then moved to the end of the couch and tugged at the folded blanket sitting on the back of the couch. I hadn't said anything to anyone, but I was cold. Our usual blanket is in the dryer being washed/dried. HOW did the dog know that I was cold!?!?? I had literally just thought it "whoa, I'm cold..."  This dog has seriously blown me away tonight.  As I write this, he is curled up on my legs on the spot where they hurt the worse. HOW does he know???

Anyway, I hope I feel good by morning, I have a meeting with a client to discuss a writing job for website copy; and in the afternoon I'm doing some vocal and Self-assertion coaching with a student. I thought for sure I'd still have a cold by tomorrow and would be ok. My immune system is TOO good. 

Off Day

It's still Tuesday night to me. It's the wee hours of Wednesday morning, and I'm still awake due to itching, gut pain (that seems to be exacerbated by my nibbling on any thing, and not helped) and bone pain. I should've known earlier today when the bone pain hit, that it wasn't that I'd overdone it.

I had gleefully walked over to my friend's Tara and Pete's house...something I like to do after the girls get on the schoolbus and head out for their learning and socializing day. It's MY time, with Charlotte...our dog. It was a week ago today that my right knee had arthroscope for the arthritis and patella femoral (runner's knee). I hurt sooooooooooo bad when I got home that I was utterly thankful for Tara giving me a ride home. Not sure I would've made it. It is, approximately, 2 km's to their house down our dirt roads. I took my time getting there this morning, and still got there in 45 mins. Normally, we are easily half that time and I sweat. Today, I plodded along with my cane, camera's and canine. However, it still felt like maybe I'd overdone it.

So, in my infinite wisdom, when I felt like crying this afternoon, I broke down and took a percoset. Which of course, made me jittery and super mellow all at the same time. Then my face broke out in little raised bumps, that itched. Then I flushed on the chest, and itched. Then I spent all afternoon in the loo consoling my diahrrea-ached bottom. Thank goodness a free issue of Allergic Living arrived in the mail this week...I had something to read. Ugh. And it didn't ease up all night. My armpits hurt too. That pain in my right kidney (?) again.

The pain become unbearable about 6 hours later. Since I can't take aspirin or ibuprofen and even, tylenol has become as issue as of late...I took two percoset. Kill or cure, was my thinking. And here I am 8 hours later in agony. I'm such a moron. Emma, is right. Percoset DOES seem to be aggravating me.

This all over body itching is unreal. Under the skin, nothing on top of it...except in a couple of places. Scratching does little to relieve the discomfort, so I continue to attempt mind over matter techniques. To no avail. So now, I'm waiting for it to go away.

I'm grateful that I'm breathing ok, and am not currently at the hospital post epi. We almost used one earlier when I was doubled over in the loo, puking up allergic foam and bile. I do have pain in my right lung (a typical reaction) but I'm breathing fine and my tongue isn't swollen.

EVERY bloody time I feel this way, I wish for something else. EVERY time this happens, I wish to be in another body. EVERY time I trigger, I think I've learned enough NOT to let myself be triggered again. Is it any wonder that I so often feel useless, helpless, worthless and utterly powerless with Mastocytosis? I suppose I'm only human...

So I'm learning that perhaps I'm not actually going at this alone. I'm finding comfort in perhaps there being a God that loves me and cares about me too...and that I've not been forsaken, so much as challenged. It could be a LOT worse. I could, like Masto Mama, have this horrendousness going on in my children. But I don't. It's in my body right now. And I've been given this disease because my shoulders, perhaps, are big enough to hold it. Even, if I don't always feel that strong.

There are others with more pressing, life-threatening situations going on in their lives right now. So, if you're the praying type, perhaps you could pray for Baby Stellan (born with what seems to be a congenital heart failure problem, of sorts) and for Audrey's Mom as she continues to cope with losing her little Audrey (and choosing to carry her pregnancy to term, despite knowing she was carrying a dying baby...THAT is courage) and pray for little Gavin, who deals with what I deal with but is not even 5 years out of the birthing gate and is one heck of a trooper for still smiling with this kind of pain. Please keep these people (that I've never met) in your thoughts, and in your hearts because, I know firsthand, it helps. I haven't met half of you, and I'm utterly grateful and filled with grace for your time, your love and your warmth.