Sunday, October 18, 2009

Chameleon

I had a pretty shitty week last week. Didn't end up in hospital (yah!) but came close a couple of times. Had a couple of days there where I was both scared and frustrated that I couldn't just shake the feeling 'odd', the feeling 'fat' or 'swollen', itching, pain, and sheer exhaustion that filled me up. Used more epi spray than I have before, and it worked. In my quest to be 'normal' I realize I must be fooling some folks because I heard this phrase quite a lot this week: "But you look fine" or "But you seem fine". Yep, that's me...feigning fine.

For short periods of time. But if you consider that this is the length of time people who do see me, see me, it's not that crazy that I "look fine". Benadryl has a 4 hour window for me.

Guess that Drama degree I have is paying off.

Besides, nobody really wants to hear that you feel shitty.




2 comments:

Anonymous said...

GLAD TO HEAR YOUR FEELING BETTER! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN I HAVE BEEN ON CLADRIBINE (CHEMO) FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW. AND I HEAR IT ALL THE TIME,"WELL YOUR LOOKING GOOD". I KNOW THEY MEAN WELL, BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!

Faith Berry said...

Sorry you're feeling rotten. Fortunately, you can tell us when you feel bad and we don't mind hearing it at all.

I've having a tough week myself. The cold, windy autumn weather doesn't help.

Just keep telling myself, this will pass!