Monday, July 20, 2009

Post Reaction Life

It's Tuesday. The reaction was last Thursday. I am still waking up like I'm a train wreck. Ludicrous. Breathing and lungs and tongue have pretty much returned to for the really sore bit right on the tip of my tongue. My bone pain feels like arthritis pain now, instead of 'omg I want to die pain'...weehoo! Only needed the percoset for a day or two post-reaction. Past this, I don't feel like crying all day long and just hurt instead. And while pain is no fun, I can handle this level of pain. My gut, oh, my poor gut...the swings between severe diarrhea and constipation is NO fun. Not sure which is better. I'm definitely having issues with gluten, and I've come to the conclusion that no pastry, cake, toast or bread is worth this pain, especially when I can avoid it. I'm still paying for eating a bit of pie the other day. Just say no, is the way to go.

I'm exhausted though.

Shattered. Fragile. Dragging my ass.

I'm trying REALLY hard to hide this. For my children. It's summer holidays. What fun is a Mum who hurts and is exhausted? I tell myself I can be exhausted and in pain at night when they go to bed. And, do my best to last that long. Thankfully, yesterday, Erin took the girls over there for a swim so I could nap around 3pm. I totally wouldn't have made it past 5pm without that nap. In all fairness though, I had her girls and mine for a sleepover the night before and most of the day. It is soooooooooooooo nice to have friends over for the girls because then they amuse themselves and I don't need to be on top of events, activities or lots of energy. Energy, that I just don't have right now. I'm hoping that I can find meaningful and fun ways of enjoying the good weather when it's here with them. And using what spurts of energy I get in the best way possible.

I'm thinking maybe later this week, if the weather is nice, of seeing if we can go over to Grammie and Poppa's for the day so that we can visit with them, walk down to Rosseau Beach, meander through the village, etc. It's such a lovley little village. I keep thinking maybe we should move there. That way, everything is in walking distance. Including a pub and a bookstore! I probably wouldn't feel nearly as isolated if we lived IN the village. And, we'd be close to family and the nursing station/fire dept/emerg. responders if needed. Heck, there's even churches AND a liquor store. After this summer, I think I've finally come to the conclusion that farm life ISN'T for me. I like the idea of it. I like the work. But I'm exhausted by whatever ails me, and it knocks me for six. Not very good for farm production at all.

So, up in the air about all kinds of things. Can't even decide what to have for breakfast. See, I'm even waffling over that!

No comments: