Monday, April 6, 2009

Monday Meanderings

Snow is falling heavily on our Northern Ontario community. It's unseasonably odd.

Our yearling chickens are supposed to be here tomorrow, so at 6pm, after work my husband is out in the cold putting together some kind of rudimentary housing for them until our chicken coop plans arrive and I can start putting together a straw bale coop (insulated!) I appreciate him being out there in the cold doing this. This isn't usual weather for us, so normally it would be sunny and brisk for the arrivals. Alas...

I ate half a pecan pie today because I was so miserable. Then fell into a coma all afternoon. No wonder I feel like a dead weight and moderately miserable right now. Ugh....I was annoyed because Ant didn't ring before he left work to get the updated grocery list. Which means he didn't check his email and FB messages either and...came home without all the stuff I need. Or think I need.

Part of my problem is this isolation and loneliness. Tasks like shopping, and missing an item from the list seems insurmountable when I'm not able to pick these items up myself. In light of the fact that my husband rarely cooks (but when he does, it's amazing!) and that a missing item can mean the difference between being able to make what you think you're going to make; and not. It doesn't bother him. And why would it? He goes into work everyday. He now has to deal with the chaos of stores that he frequents to purchase our groceries. He sits in traffic jams (small ones...we live in a small community.) I can go days without seeing anyone but myself, my husband and two children. And it's not by choice.

My husband keeps telling me that I have to start finding personal peace in what IS; where we ARE; who I AM; how things ARE...instead of hoping for a miracle.

I've always been comfortable in my own company. However, I never expected to have THIS much time to myself....

I shouldn't complain. Others would LOVE to have this time at home.


Laura the Hair Diva said...

I have Windows Live Messenger on my computer....if you get it on yours, we could have "meets" in the talk and stuff...or you could call me...I only have a cell, but after 6, my long distance is free....204-801-5965 if you are interested....alone sucks when you are too immersed in it....reach out, I'm here....anytime.

Anonymous said...

hey Fiona! i had a dream about you, so i gooogled your blog.
I miss your energy. call me
ingrid XO