It's been over 50 hours, oh, 52 now, since I've had any sleep.
Strange thing is, I'm not even tired anymore. Just totally flushed, achy, miserable, mad, grumpy, slightly manic and accusatory. I feel so alone. I know I'm not, logically...but I feel it. I explained it in an email to a close friend last night...I feel like I'm drifting on this big, black, dark, cold ocean, the white-tipped waves like those out of those terrifying tuna fishing documentaries or that film with George Clooney, and no life-jacket on. No boats in sight. No land in sight. Just miles of cold, dark, North Atlantic ocean.
My friend Barb thinks perhaps it might be the Ketotifen that's interfering with my sleep. It's a new addition to my drug regime. Ironically, the bottle says 'May Cause Drowsiness'. Usually the barrage of anti-histamines that I take, mean that I don't have to use a sleeping pill. I took it all last night: Zopiclone sleeping pill, gravol, bonamine (heavier, sleepier, anti-nauseant), I meditated, I drank Sleepy Time tea, I lay still, I got into bed with my children (because their smell is usually sleep inducing and calming), I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, floors, bathroom, took a shower, soaked my feet, exercised, did yoga, watched tv, read Education Theory books, read some fiction...and to no avail. I might have to crack open some Biochemistry books.
My husband thinks I should have a dig around to see if we have any weed lying around, smoke that and go to bed. I dunno...
I'm cold. I have eaten barely anything in equally as long, and am not hungry. At least the nausea is at bay.
Tachycardia visits intermittently with its cousin, Brachycardia. Up and Down. Ebbs and flows. Undulating waves of almost reaction, but not quite.
At least my body pain has subsided. So I don't need to take Percoset today. I have a tolerable amount of pain in my knees and leg long bones.
There's a weight on my chest but I can breathe.
My tongue feels fine...which is a nice change.
I'm going to go get under the heat blanket, even at 20 in the house (with new windows, no more drafty doors, new furnace and woodstove) I'm still cold. My hands and feet are cold. Body temp is ok though, teeny bit low but nothing to be worried about: 36.1C/96.8 F. I don't fret until I go down to 92. By which time I can't function.
Strange thing is, I'm not even tired anymore. Just totally flushed, achy, miserable, mad, grumpy, slightly manic and accusatory. I feel so alone. I know I'm not, logically...but I feel it. I explained it in an email to a close friend last night...I feel like I'm drifting on this big, black, dark, cold ocean, the white-tipped waves like those out of those terrifying tuna fishing documentaries or that film with George Clooney, and no life-jacket on. No boats in sight. No land in sight. Just miles of cold, dark, North Atlantic ocean.
My friend Barb thinks perhaps it might be the Ketotifen that's interfering with my sleep. It's a new addition to my drug regime. Ironically, the bottle says 'May Cause Drowsiness'. Usually the barrage of anti-histamines that I take, mean that I don't have to use a sleeping pill. I took it all last night: Zopiclone sleeping pill, gravol, bonamine (heavier, sleepier, anti-nauseant), I meditated, I drank Sleepy Time tea, I lay still, I got into bed with my children (because their smell is usually sleep inducing and calming), I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, floors, bathroom, took a shower, soaked my feet, exercised, did yoga, watched tv, read Education Theory books, read some fiction...and to no avail. I might have to crack open some Biochemistry books.
My husband thinks I should have a dig around to see if we have any weed lying around, smoke that and go to bed. I dunno...
I'm cold. I have eaten barely anything in equally as long, and am not hungry. At least the nausea is at bay.
Tachycardia visits intermittently with its cousin, Brachycardia. Up and Down. Ebbs and flows. Undulating waves of almost reaction, but not quite.
At least my body pain has subsided. So I don't need to take Percoset today. I have a tolerable amount of pain in my knees and leg long bones.
There's a weight on my chest but I can breathe.
My tongue feels fine...which is a nice change.
I'm going to go get under the heat blanket, even at 20 in the house (with new windows, no more drafty doors, new furnace and woodstove) I'm still cold. My hands and feet are cold. Body temp is ok though, teeny bit low but nothing to be worried about: 36.1C/96.8 F. I don't fret until I go down to 92. By which time I can't function.
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