Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The knee is healing, albeit stiff. BUT hurts a lot less than before the surgery, which to my mind, is a good sign. The whole post-anesthetic thing has shifted and I'm feeling more human. This is Day two of no anti-histamines and mast cell stabilizers, as I am seeing Dr. Vas tomorrow in Toronto. I think he's doing the whole c-kit mutation testing, etc. ("etc." means I have no idea what else is going on...) I'll be honest, I'm full of hope that this man will have some answers for me; some solutions; some hope? Not sure if that is a ridiculous wanting, but it's there nonetheless.

I was nervous about being med-free for so many days. So far, so good though. I'm pretty much confined to my office/family room at the moment. I've been sleeping here, on my own, since knee surgery last week. (The thought of my husband, or children, or the dog whacking my knee during sleep makes me cringe.) And, I have an essay to write for my distance education course in Adult Program Planning, so there's all the more reason to be confined to my office space/thinking space/work space...sans guilt. My husband went to work today, with the loving stern warning, "no foolishness today, ok?"...meaning, no un-necessary risks, like attempting to go grocery shopping, or going to a neighbour's house for a cup of coffee..all pose the risk of anaphylaxis. My healing knee gives me impetus NOT to go for our usual morning walk...otherwise, I'd feel guilty about that too. So...I'm being 'good'. I'm in my 'safe' room, and here I will stay until tomorrow morning's soujourn down to Toronto. Hopefully this trip will be incident free too. The risk of anaphylaxis is always there.

Like my friend Dawn says in her blog...she's won the husband lottery. She's discovered that her 20 year relationship with Marc is proving to be what we all hope we'll never need...unconditional love and support. My husband too. He spent the entire afternoon yesterday picking up my laundry slack, working with the girls to clean their rooms, did the dishes and appreciated my paltry attempt at dinner (and ate it!) It's hard to imagine being as young as we are (40 ish) and needing THIS much help at home. We have to roll with the days when we can do stuff, and cut ourselves some slack when we can't (someone remind me of this when I'm having a bad day, please.) The whole sense of personal failure slaps you smack in the head when you find yourself unable to get out of bed; or coping with those surges of anxiety that partner with flushing, digestive disturbances, infernal itching, difficulty breathing, body pain, and panic...SO, on a quiet, good day (like today) we are all the more thankful for the peace, tranquility and the kitchen that doesn't need cleaning because your husband already took care of it for you. THANK YOU!!!!!

I am am emblazened with gratitude. The beds are made; the bathroom clean; the kitchen clean; the garbage taken out...so I can sit down and write my essay, guilt-free.

I'd best get to it, as now I'm obviously stalling.

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