So, it's the end of another week. It was a pretty good one, overall. My Motherinlaw came to visit and we celebrated Christmas with her early...we pretended last Saturday night was Christmas Eve. and last Sunday morning was Christmas morning, complete with stockings and present opening. I roasted a turkey for dinner with all the trimmings. We watched Christmas movies and put Christmas music on. It was fun.

Only, now, it feels weird that we're doing it all over again on the 24th/25th. LOL. But we'll be going to my Auntie Pam and Uncle Pete's place out in the country, with all my cousins and their babies. It'll be a total hoot. I'm looking forward to it.

Our Manitoba Health cards came. It's official...we're Manitoba residents now.

Had to use an epipen during the week. My Motherinlaw gave it to me. She accidentlly misfired it though and in addition to cutting my leg with it, the needle cut clean through her finger tip and part of her fingernail. We had to watch she didn't get any epinephrine in her body because she has heart issues. Fortunately, she was fine. PHEW... Anyway, she used a second one correctly and the epi worked. My bloodpressure just suddenly dropped...at least that's what we think happened. I couldn't even sit up without feeling like I was going to pass out. I tried at least nine times to sit up, and each time was met with the same sensation...like my heart was 'backwashing', the air was suddenly thick, I was suddenly jello and couldn't hold myself up, and then syncope.

My Motherinlaw is a former nurse and she felt my hands and feet and said they were icy cold and the nails had gone bluish/purple...so in light of all of that and my knowing how these episodes usually go (I usually end up on the ground unconscious because at some point I HAVE to get up to pee or something...) we decided to get it over with. The epi totally did the trick.

So, I've been taking it fairly easy most of the week because it's been a few weeks of epi pens, benadryl and steroids. I've stayed indoors most of this week. I've asked for help. I've made shopping lists instead of trying to do these things myself and then getting icky. I've ordered food in when I've felt too weak or exhausted to cook.

Insomnia has been pretty bad this week though. Not quite sure what to do about that, as I take benadryl and sleeping pills to no avail.

I saw Dr. Glew, my new family Doctor, on Tuesday and we went over all my medication with a fine toothed comb. I think he thought initially that I was overly medicated and that we'd see what we could get rid of but once we went through it all, he realized I needed each and every one of the meds I'm on and why. SIGH...I was sort of hoping to get rid of some too. He DID, however, take me off Tramadol with Acetominophen in it because I was taking quite a lot of it for bone pain and he was worried about how long I'd been (and how much I'd been) using and the effects on my liver. So now I'm on straight Tramadol. Will let you know how it works when I try it.

I'm also relieved that he refilled my Stemetil injection script because that's vital for stopping nausea and my barfing sessions. Otherwise I'm barfing for weeks instead of days or hours.

We also discussed the panic attacks I've been experiencing as of about 3 weeks ago. Luckily, I have Ativan on hand, but hardly ever use. Panic attacks feel like you're having a heart attack, OMG, they are PAINFUL and SCARY!!! It's weird too, they hit when I'm totally relaxed and groovy. Dr. Glew said that he's hardly surprised with all I lived with that this is the case. I have the right medication for them, and it works. So GREAT, I now have THESE going on too. OH JOY.

My friend Drea gave me a beautiful bag for my birthday back in October with a book inside called "10 Days To Self Esteem". It's essentially a workbook, for (as the title suggests) leading you back to your Self and regrowing your Self Esteem. So, today I open it up and start reading it and I take the first two standardized Depression and Anxiety tests. Guess what? I, apparently, suffer with SEVERE DEPRESSION and SEVERE ANXIETY. WHY am I the last person to know these things!?!?!??! I know I shouldn't laugh at this, but I can't help it. It's kinda funny because when she gave me the book I thought to myself "WHY are you giving me THIS book???? My Self Esteem is quite fine, thank you." It turns out...it isn't.

Has everyone else known this about me all this time, and I haven't???