End of The Week

I woke up this morning feeling like a 90 year old woman. I swear to God, someone beat my body with a massive mallet while I sleeping. My husband looked at me this morning with sympathetic eyes and said "Oh Duck, let me get your heat pad" and motioned for me to get on the couch first thing. Thankfully I didn't have to make any lunches today or get anyone's breakfast.

I take Tramadol for pain now. I won't lie. It's not as effective as Percosets BUT Percs come with their own demons...like addiction, fierce mood swings, nasty temper, foul mouth and give me bad dreams. However, their pain relief is much sweeter and I miss that. Two Tramadols do nothing. Nor do three. If I take four, it takes about two hours for the pain relief to kick in but then it kicks in and works for a while. I don't reccommend that anyone else do this. I'm just saying what gets me through my own personal hell when it's present. Usually though, I just suffer. Oh, and Tramadol costs four times what Percosets cost, which is retarded. HOWEVER, Tramadols don't make me foul-tempered or make my children look at me and ask "Mummy, did you take that medicine that makes you angry?"...'nuff said. NO Percosets.

I still have no appetite. I've thrown up dinner the past two nights when I've MADE myself eat something. What's the point in eating.

I'm back to regular steroid use so I'm guessing the steroid honeymoon and inflammation relief is over. However, because I've been sequestered to the house and not eating or trying anything, I've NOT been reactive or in need of epi pens. YEAH!!!!

On another note, I'm going Christmas shopping with my husband tonight. For the rest of the world that might sound really exciting or like fun. For me though, it means sitting in the car, in Winnipeg, in the cold, directing the next purchases in the next store. I can't go INTO the shops. Not even to shop for my own husband. I have to tell him what I want to get him and he goes in and gets it for himself. There is no longer any element of surprise. You might say...can't you ask your family to help you? But my parents are Jehovah's Witnesses and don't celebrate Christmas or Birthdays; my brothers and sisters live in other countries or are dead; my cousins are busy with their own lives and it's not fair of me to bother them. I don't trust the internet to buy things online, except for Amazon and there's only so many books a person can buy. SO...Christmas and surprising my husband and shopping in general is a real challenge and I find it really hard NOT to get bummed out about it all. I used to pride myself on being a really great gift giver. This has been a hard pill to swallow. Yet another harsh Mastocytosis bit of mayhem.

So, I have my list. Hubby and I will trek out in the car. I will get a Tim Horton's coffee to keep me warm and my Hubby will go in and out of the stores doing my bidding and will, checking my lists, coming out and letting me know what IS and ISN'T available. Somehow, Christmas STILL manages to happen...the magic STILL happens and the smiles still bless the faces of my children come Christmas morning...so we must be doing something right.