Wednesday, February 28, 2007


There's work and then there's that pays the bills, work that inspires a person, work that fuels the soul, work that drains the soul, work that pays like crap, work that pays too much (ask Angelina Jolie), work with benefits, work that benefits, work that feels like work and then work that feels like living.

Not everyone needs the same thing.

My husband, for example, is a person who views work as a means to an end; a necessary evil.

I view work as something that I need fulfillment in, something that fuels me, challenges me, makes me think, allows me to feel of service and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy at the end of the day.

My parameters for work have shifted because I used to work for I work for my family and need that work to be balanced and accommodate my family's needs. I've been fortunate where I currently work, to be afforded this flexibility. However, my current work drains me. I'm unfocused, feel of little use to anyone and feel like I'm failing most days. My recent performance evaluation speaks differently, but that's how I feel.

So, getting up in the morning to face what lies ahead doesn't make a whole bunch of sense to me.

I'm not alone.

My good, and amazing friend, L. works for the Military. This work has afforded her world travel (even if overnight), health benefits, meeting (and living with) amazing and talented people from all walks of life, sharing stinky farts couped up in the bowels of a Herc. plane while playing cards and spitting chewing tobacco into whatever receptacle she can find, a home, a base, wilderness adventures ( and access to all kinds of amazing training for free...yet here she is too...trying to make sense of why she should get up in the morning.

Where is the division between those that work because they have to and are ok with it, and those that NEED it to make sense?

We have one life to live. I'm starting to think it's time to make choices that REALLY work and mean something to me. I can't speak for my friend, or humankind when I say that...only myself, but it seems to make sense to me.

I'm not doing anything I was trained to do. My training was more like therapy for I don't feel like I need it anymore.

I spend most of my time feeling fueled by assisting people I know finding their way back to themselves...asking a few pointed questions, gently making suggestions (I never give advice) and listening....but it doesn't pay the bills. Nor does this blog. Nor does any of the time I spend writing or thinking or dribbling. Yet this unpaid time fuels me more than anything that pays me.

Is it possible to be paid to think?

Hmmmm....maybe I'm going to die poor.

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