All That Ick Is Gone...

Have been home a couple of days now, and am feeling unbelievably great post hysterectomy. Not sure now what I was ever worried about! Staff and Doctors at Orillia Soldier's Memorial Hospital were AMAZING, and they took great care of me. Precautions were taken due to Masto and my latex allergy, and I only had two anaphylactic reactions the day following surgery. Turns out it was my reacting, we think, to the antibiotic, Cephalax (I think that's how you spell it) that I've been given to ward off infection.

Now we know why I hurt so much.

I'm in less pain now, healing, than I've been in for about 7 years. Turns out I had pelvic congestive disease (not to be confused with pelvic inflammatory disease, which is an STD) which causes severe varicose veins in the uterus and pooling of blood; adenomyosis which is enlarged uterus where the endometrium fuses with uterus muscle and becomes enlarged because it sort of bleeds into itself; and then my cervix was hardened from all that weight and the size of uterus pushing down on it that it had prolapsed half way down my vaginal canal. My uterus was the size it would be if I was between 4 and 5 months pregnant and weighed about 4lbs. Doc says I would've hemorrhaged by about Xmas and quite possibly have died. Glad we got this done now. phewwwwwwwwww. Uterus is being biopsied. It'll be interesting to see if there were any Mast Cells lurking in there (and maybe causing the enlargement?)

Am on strict rest (even though I feel great), as not only had the uterus and cervix removed but he had to repair the ligaments and muscles that were holding the cervix in place under the uterus. They were stretched and badly damaged.

Mum is here for two weeks as I'm not allowed to do anything for 6 weeks.

Crazy...not sure how I'll manage that! But have to.

I would like to thank each and every one of you for your love, warmth, prayers, thoughts, light and grooviness. I felt completely loved and full of comfort going into the actual surgery because of you. Namaste.

Changes

So, you all know that I have an upcoming hysterectomy scheduled for Thursday November 12th. Approaching the knowledge that I will be wombless hereon in has been a daunting task for me. I've lovingly been told by close family members that 'if it needs doing, it needs doing'...but it's still been a bit of a roller coaster ride working through my own surging emotions regarding it all. I'm finally feeling better about it all today. Which is good, because the alternative for me is stressing so badly I end up with migraines and gut upheaval or worse, allergic reactions....Ohhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm, been finding my neutral space.

My children are a bit worried about me being 'gone' (at the hospital) for so long. Three to five days, I've been told. Let's assume I'll make a stellar recovery and be home as soon as possible. My oldest daughter is fretting the most. Normal. I remember when my Mum had her hysterectomy (I was 10) and was in hospital for a week, it did my head in. Mind you, it was a closer drive to the hospital for us than it will be for my children and husband/family. However, my oldest daughter IS looking forward to her Grammie taking her to Karate on Wednesday night. Apparently, Karate is awesome if Grammie takes her. My youngest daughter doesn't seem too bothered by what's coming up...she's quite comfortable spending a few days at Grammie and Poppa's house and looks forward to chalk drawing on their paved driveway, as well as "spaghetti!!!!" I'm grateful, very grateful for my inlaws continued support. They've been absolutely stellar in this regard.

My Mum is coming out from Winnipeg for 2 weeks to help out with me, the house, the kids, the animals and making sure my husband gets a lunch. She managed to find unbelievable seat sales on flights from Winnipeg to Hamilton for a scant $89.00. Thank you West Jet!!! While I was all cool for recouping at the inlaws, I'm glad I'll be able to be at home, in my own home, for recouping. I'm going to have to find homes for a pile of my houseplants today or tomorrow as my Mum is allergic to them. Am trying to get all the laundry and house sorted out today/tomorrow. Although, my husband reminds me he can use the facilities and I shouldn't worry about it all...it's sort of natural to want to get this all sorted out beforehand, right?

So, all in all, this week is sort of all about the hysterectomy. Hope it goes well.

Hysterectomy and Scopes

I was called on Friday to let me know that my surgery has been booked. Hysterectomy. I have, on top of EVERYTHING else, this rare condition called Pelvic Congestive Syndrome. Which basically means I have varicose veins, pooling blood, inside my uterus. My OBY/GYN tells me it's a matter of time before they rupture and hemorrhage. He's been telling me this for 5 years now. I've been trying to 'fix' this in other ways...to no avail. I'm basically in chronic pain in my lower ab region, all the time. Menstruation is hell. But, like all women, I get through it. There is also some thought that perhaps, just perhaps, I might have mast cells lurking in my uterus. Unusual, but they are showing up all over the place. Today, I just learned of a woman who had mast cells in her skull. After feeling ill for a while, and complaining of severe headaches for over a year, they relunctantly did an MRI and ta dah!!! A mass. When they went in to remove it, it turned out to be a mass of mast cells hanging out in bone marrow in her skull. Her bmb in her hip had showed nothing. So...ya know, crazy shit happens.

So, surgery is slated for Nov. 12.th. Apparently I can expect a 6 week, recovery period. eeek. I'm not very good at sitting still. Apparently, it can REALLY mess you up if you don't rest. Bowels and bladders end up sitting in the wrong places. Things like that...

So pre-op for this is Nov. 2nd, next Monday, in the afternoon.

Today I was called by the surgeon's office, who'll be doing my gut scopes (in response to my calling my GP's office to see where we were at with this because I can't imagine having a gut scope on top of an hysterectomy!) I see him on Monday Nov. 2nd too, in the morning. Scope will be scheduled for sometime between Monday and Nov. 12. They want to get this done before the hysterectomy.

Scoping will be both top and bottom (oh joy....) and they will be taking biopsies along the entire tracts for mast cells, checking for crohns, colittis and celiac scarring.

I hope ALL of this reaps some reprieve, some answers and some relief.

WHAT the hell is this like for my kids to have a 'sick Mom/Mum'?!?!?!? This is no way to be a mother.

It was my birthday yesterday. I turned 40. Yesterday my youngest daughter hugged me and nose to nose she smilingly said to me, "Mommy, for your birthday wish, you should wish that there is no such thing as Mastocytosis. That's what I wish for." Then she added that there should be no latex in the world either.

Yes, little lady, that's exactly what I wish for.

This Week

This week has been a good week, overall. Imagine that...do as your Doctor tells you & use the knowledge that you've been learning in your quest to be healthy: avoid triggers and if that means being house-bound, so be it; don't eat foods on the lists (histamine containing and latex cross over concomittant); sleep; drink water; exercise in moderation (so as not to cause a reaction); find things to be joyful about and embrace those things; love fully, passionately and without regret. Be what you are, now. As you are. Stop trying to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. Stop setting yourself up for failure, but continue to dream of what you CAN do...

The strings on my yoga pants are longer today. My breasts look bigger to me, because the flub underneath them appears to be shrinking.

I've given up trying to make the few foods I can have, taste good. So, it's easier to pick at small bits of salmon, kamut bread with blueberry or blackberry or raspberry jam (raspberries are on the 'reactive' list but they've NEVER hurt me...), sauteed onions and garlic, squash, peas, green beans. Odd bit of chicken. Just to nourish myself.

What I am doing, is cooking for my family. Portioned for 3. Served with love. Prepared with love, gratitude and the desire to nourish the bodies of those I love.

I'm grateful for my Motherinlaw, who brings over baked treats. This way, I don't have torture myself with making them. Things like Brownies and cookies and muffins are difficult to make without wanting to 'cheat'. And 'cheating' makes my body hurt.

I should pick up some kamut and sourgham flour. These don't hurt me. I tried baking cookies with Quinoa and they tasted bitter and unrepentant. Even spiced with ginger, they were horrid.

I want to feel THIS good everyday. And my wish is for each of you to feel this good too. xoxoxo

Chameleon

I had a pretty shitty week last week. Didn't end up in hospital (yah!) but came close a couple of times. Had a couple of days there where I was both scared and frustrated that I couldn't just shake the feeling 'odd', the feeling 'fat' or 'swollen', itching, pain, and sheer exhaustion that filled me up. Used more epi spray than I have before, and it worked. In my quest to be 'normal' I realize I must be fooling some folks because I heard this phrase quite a lot this week: "But you look fine" or "But you seem fine". Yep, that's me...feigning fine.

For short periods of time. But if you consider that this is the length of time people who do see me, see me, it's not that crazy that I "look fine". Benadryl has a 4 hour window for me.

Guess that Drama degree I have is paying off.

Besides, nobody really wants to hear that you feel shitty.